Lately, every day I come home from work drained. Not tired, just...empty. People seem shittier than usual. More people seem to be cutting me off on the freeway. Last night I went to a new non-Farmer Jack grocery store (BTW, FJ customer service has yet to even acknowledge my complaint) and mistakenly got in the cash only line. When I got in line, there were about 20 carts ahead of me and the cash only sign was a 3 x 5 card stuck in a pile of pears. So I think I have good excuse. Luckily, it was cash only, but they decided they'd take a check from me.

I'm sure humanity has not turned against me. I am super hormonal and distracted and I'm probably not behaving by the rules. But the results are the same. I feel hurt and just drained so that all I can do is to come home and watch the CSI marathon on Spike - the first network for men (which is my new favorite TV station and I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to say so).

My first non-FJ grocery trip was not a success. The place I went used to be a produce only place, but they expanded and my mom was raving about it last weekend. So I went. But it was one of those annoying "fancy" stores that sells only Kashi and no Cap'n Crunch. They also didn't have half of the stuff on my very short list. And no toiletries. Leo has been using my Venus razor blades for a few days now and I PROMISED I'd buy him boy razor blades. So I had to go to Walgreen's anyhow.

I go to the midwife tonight. I have so many things to ask her (most of which I will probably forget before I get there). I've been wearing maternity shirts for a few days now because normal shirts just don't fit anymore and I really don't care if these are too big because I refuse to buy yet another set of sizes. Am I too big? I feel like I'm "showing", but other people have told me they would have no idea that I'm pregnant if they didn't know me. I guess I really just need validation that both the baby and I are ok and on schedule.

Dale Carnegie wasn't as bad as I thought. It was a little like watching one of those "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" lecture shows on PBS but it was about self improvement and business communication. You now, because I AM like an iceberg, with all of my POTENTIAL beneath the surface of the water, just waiting to be harvested by Suzy, the Dale Carnegie instructor. I got a lot more talk on "my attitude" and how it effects the success of what I'm doing. My attitude is to get the hell back to work and cut out this touchy-feely crap. History will vindicate me. Twenty years from now, MBA courses will talk of all of the useless self improvement forced down employees throats in the '90's (and, at my company, in the '00's) and how useless it was. 2 hours down, 46 to go....