fancy hand soap


"As I was walking down the hall, I saw this guy picking his nose and then he looked at it. How gross! And he had three other people in his cube! I wanted to say 'Hey buddy, that's the kind of thing you do in the privacy of your own car, not at work!'"

- said completely earnestly by the disturbing woman in the cube next to me at HQ

The disturbing woman has been completely shunned by my whole department (not for the statement above, but for over a year of disturbing statements just like it). But I felt sorry for her. So now I am "her friend". She really creeps me out but I don't want to be mean to her. So I have been avoiding working at HQ, which is inconvenient as HQ is only a mile from my house.

HQ is also weird on other levels. There are a lot of admins here (something we don't have in my building). They all have gigantic (over a carat) engagement rings and they are all very well dressed (in fact, admins are the only well dressed people in my company. They grungier you look, the higher up you are). They also buy, with their own money, fancy soaps from Bath and Body Works for the restrooms here. I realize that they only cost $3 a piece, but it is completely beyond the boundaries of my mind to imagine a scenario where I would put forth even $3 of my hard earned money to by soap for this stupid multinational Fortune 500 corporation which provides functionally adequate unscented soap already.

The scented soap has led to another odd thing today. Right before I left the house, Leo pointed out that I had a stain on the sleeve of my sweater. I washed it out with the lavender hand soap in my bathroom (at home, where I WILL purchase fancy hand soap). The I came to HQ and used some of their fancy hand soap to wash my hands. The combination of still damp wool, lavender soap, and whatever scent soap I used here made me smell just like the sawdust that my elementary school's janitor used to throw on vomit before cleaning it up. Thank God I'm not hungover or anything as this is not a smell memory that would be good on a queasy stomach.

Last night I decided to enter the magical world of Shake-n-Bake for the first time. While it would seem to be right up my mom's alley (as she is the number 1 fan of the boneless skinless chicken breast), she has never prepared Shake-n-Bake and I have never eaten it. I don't know what I thought it would be like, but I was rather disappointed with the end product. I purchased a box of the original 'Bake, which is nothing more than flavorless breadcrumbs that have been dyed brown. I'm sure that everyone in America already knew that, but I was a little shocked. I mean, why would the product be so popular if it has no flavor and can be cheaply reproduced by a plastic bag and a can of breadcrumbs. In fact, if you used the Italian flavored breadcrumbs (flavored to taste just like real Italians) you'd end up with a slightly tastier product.

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