let's talk about the elephant in the room


OK. We have pussyfooted around this long enough, it is high time we just get this out into the open and discuss: I have lesbian gym teacher hair. I don't know how this happened, it kind of just snuck up on me and one day I looked in the mirror and wondered what was missing and then I realized that it was a whistle around my neck and a volleyball in my hand because I have lesbian gym teacher hair.

So how do I fix it? I have to keep some hair on my forehead to cover up the hormone-induced acne explosion (thank you, baby). Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. One of my Dale Carnegie 6 month personal resolutions is to start caring about the way I look. I'm not ready to commit more than 60 seconds to "doing" my hair each morning, but I am ready to not be embarrassed when I look in the mirror. How I long for the halcyon days of the Anne Frank hairdo.

Is it just me, or does Paris Hilton look like a Gabor sister here?

Oh and thank God she is hawking pink cubic zirconium crap on Amazon because that necklace I bought at Kmart is chipping.

And speaking of Kmart, I went grocery shopping there yesterday and was very pleasantly surprised. They sell fresh tomatillos and cactus leaves and prosciutto (the first two things are probably due to Kmart's bizarre ability to attract a Mexican clientele even when there is no local Mexican population. I don't know where they come from, but they are always there). Checkout, of course, was a nightmare. After waiting 30 minutes in line, the ladies in front of me decided that they couldn't pay for what they'd bought so they had the cashier return all of it. I felt bad for them (especially after my recent Farmer Jack experience) but - still. Who goes shopping without any money?

I RSVP'd for my sister-in-law's baby shower yesterday. It's being thrown by her aunt and I volunteered to help out or bring something. The aunt responded that they don't know what they will be serving yet, but they will probably just pick up something from a restaurant. I'm still digesting this, 24 hours later. The shower is in 3 weeks. I already have my Thanksgiving menu planned (but I am not sure of the amuse bouche. I'm thinking a succotash puree with white truffle oil on a round of toast, perhaps. Or maybe truffle oil is too over the top (or too 1997)(but I do love it so)(oh look, I have nested parentheses at this point). We'll see.). I even have my sister's baby shower planned and she ain't pregnant. I was even thinking about what to serve at Christmas on the way in to work this morning. My mind is thoroughly boggled at the thought of not planning out the menu in minute detail weeks in advance. Plus I don't know what I might bring so I can't be thinking about it, which is quite a disappointment.

OK. I'm off to eat a bowl of Waffle Crisp.

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