Instead I work in an environment that has more in common with junior high than my dream. Right now, I'm listening to the guy across the aisle talk to his daughter:

"Did you go down the slide?"

"Tell daddy you went down the slide�"

The hot gossip 'round these parts is that the division president does not wash his hands after using the men's room. This gives me panic attacks, because I'm borderline obsessive/compulsive about such things. What if he wants to shake my hand? I avoid eye contact with him whenever he's around, just in case.

I was recently charged with managing all of the desktops and laptops in my division. Sounds good, right? It has the word "manager" in it. Instead, I just spent an hour walking all over the very large complex switching out monitors. Luckily, I have made it clear from the get-go that I do not lift things (a girl has got to have some rules), so I took a coworker with me. So there we are, two salaried, highly educated, technically trained people carrying equipment around on a cart.

When "Lord of the Rings" came out, my ever dorky computer programming brethren did nothing but discuss the details. They all decided to read/reread the books together:

"Who would win in a battle between a ring-wraith and an orc?"

"The ring-wraith would totally kick the ass of an orc.."

"No, the orc would kick the ass of the ring-wraith because�"

I didn't think I was going to make it through the LOTR period. I must find a new job before the next movie comes out. Of course, there have been similar debates about other science fiction characters (is Star Wars' technology better than Star Trek's?). Whatever stereotype you have ever heard about computer programmers is true (except for me, I'm here only by some cruel trick of fate).