I have the cervix of a 12 year old virgin


Had a midwife appointment this morning. I requested an internal exam. She made me swear up and down that I knew that it meant nothing, that even if I am 3 centimeters dilated I could still have weeks and even if I am 1 I could go tomorrow. I said I knew that. But I was also confident that I was at least 2. I mean, how could I not be? My first due date (and the one I like the most at the moment) is less than a week away. I spent over an hour sitting on a birth ball last night. I do all sorts of pelvic expanding exercises, in addition to thinking dilating thoughts a la Ina May. So, clearly, I would be somewhat dilated.

Wrong. I am not the slightest bit dilated. None whatsoever. There are women out there who aren't even pregnant that are more dilated than I am. I have the cervix of a 12 year old virgin.

A "March Moms" group that I belong to online has already had 3 babies and another lady is in labor right now. Out of something like 25 people!

So, I will be pregnant forever. I'm sure of it. After all of that finally sank in, I got kicked around some more (emotionally speaking) when the cashier at Hunan Garden asked me if I'm having twins. Um, no, just one gigantic and 'perfectly comfortable where he is now, thank you very much' baby.

My cold has taken a turn for the worse. If I wasn't about to take the next 13 weeks off of work, I would have called in sick every day this week. I can't sleep. I feel like some sort of corrosive acid has been poured down my throat, my heartburn is so bad and unyielding. I'm also nauseous all the time. And my sinuses and ears are totally plugged up. I am miserable.

My doula said last night that I probably just need to take next week and relax and things will happen. For heaven's sake, I haven't even hit my due date yet, so I should really stop all this drama. Except that my midwife also informed me today that she is going on vacation March 10. 4 days after my due date.

I always rolled my eyes at birth stories where women induced because of their provider's vacation schedule. I mean, it seems like the worse possible reason to do so. Now, faced with a similar deadline of my own, I can see why they do it. I won't, of course, I'd rather Owen come on his own into the hands of a stranger than put us both through some chemical contraction hell. But now I get why those women do that, its one tiny thing that you can control. Its not like I'm even capable of a rational thought at the moment, I'm so happy I decided all of these things months ago. But induction due to vacations....it all makes so much sense to me now.

I lost three pounds last week. That's the only good news I got.

Actually, that' s not true. I do have one more piece of good news.

Over shutdown, Shannon and I were driving to David's Bridal (in Westland, as Shannon objects to the Dearborn store) when I was pulled over for the first time in my life. I got a ticket for turning on red, even though it was very clearly yellow. Turns out that turning on yellow is just as illegal in Michigan, so it wasn't much of a defense. My first court date was scheduled for 2 days after my due date. Leo is handling all of it, which is fabulous because I am totally emotionally unstable and I'd probably come completely unglued just by calling the city court. Anyhow, he talked them out of it yesterday. So I am free. I think there is some sort of non-specific "moving violation" on my record now and a fine attached, but no points. Hallelujah. I my lawyer.

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