crappiest Monday morning ever


I think I've had the crappiest Monday morning ever. First, as I was carrying a huge pot of coffee up the stairs (we still have no kitchen, so coffee must be made in the bar area downstairs) and I spilled a great deal all down the front of me. Not only did I burn the crap out of my arms, stomach and thighs, but I sullied my one and only pair of clean maternity pants. Of course, I didn't take them off or anything, it just pissed me off. Then I went upstairs and opened the fridge to get an apple. Apples are in the very bottom of the fridge, in a produce bin. I flung open the door, bent over and...was hit in the head by a falling hammer. It was (inadvertently, I'm sure) left there last night during our kitchen remodeling project. I can appreciate the humor in it now, but - holy crap - that hurt.

I've lost 8 pounds (all in my ankles) since Thursday. I'm still not sure if that means that the midwife will tell me to continue bed rest or not. I mean, does that mean that bed rest works so I should continue? Or does it mean that bed rest has done its thing and I'm done? I can't take bed rest. I don't know how people do it. I have now seen everything that is on TV. I almost watched a basketball game on Sunday, only because it was something I hadn't already seen. Instead, I watched a Lifetime movie (starring Sissy Spacek) about a midwife that kills her patient. The script writer must have done zero research about homebirth. The pregnant lady just lay on her back in bed for hours and moaned. The movie was probably funded by the American Obstetrics Association.

Owen had the hiccups this weekend. At first I thought he was rhythmically kicking me, but it continued on and on for almost half an hour. I think that means he's turned too (so no more yoga, thank God). Its hard for me to tell what position he's in because I still have no feeling in my hands. But the hiccups were coming really low, so I think he must be head down. I'll find out tonight. If so, I won't have to do any more baby-turning exercises. My least favorite exercise involves stacking five pillows on the floor, sitting on them and then resting my shoulder on the ground. It would be near impossible were I not pregnant. The pillows are there for support (I'm supposed to hold that position for 10 minutes). I decided to just do a sort of inverse plank position with my legs on the bed instead. I can't actually hold it for ten minutes without taking a break, but it is darned easier to do than the pillow thing.

My favorite "exercise" involves annoying the baby. Plus, its not much of an exercise, so its really a win/win for me. All I have to do is roll up a towel and stick it under my back. This is supposed to be uncomfortable for a head up baby (pain in the neck) and he's supposed to get annoyed and move. I also like it because it involves lying on my back, which is something I'm not supposed to do because it make my swelling worse.

I learned something about myself this weekend. It all came to me while I was on the phone with my sister, complaining that I was having trouble determining what is and what is not low salt (I've been put on a low salt diet for the swelling). She pointed out that I cook all the time and tend to know a thing or two about food, so it was pretty ridiculous that I would claim to not know. I realized that what I really meant was that I hadn't read a million articles on the subject. The same thing happened when I took the pregnancy test. I knew what two lines meant, even on a German test. But I still needed to translate every word of the instruction, just to make sure. I also got all pissy this weekend when I realized that the pack of disposable diapers we got for backups doesn't include instructions. I know how to change a diaper, but I would feel better if I could read something that authoritatively stated the "correct" way to do it.

Did any of that make sense? If not, cut me some slack. I've been hit on the head with a hammer.

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