things are swell


I just got my FMLA leave of absence forms. They are...hilarious.

  • Please describe the employee's medical condition: Ok,I would describe it as "pregnancy". This will later lead to "birth" and then, um, "post-partum recovery"
  • Describe the medical facts which support this certification: Condition is supported by presence of baby, frequent urination, and general pissed off-edness
  • State the approximate date the condition commences and the probably duration of the condition: 06/12/04, nine months. What, you don't want to know HOW it happened?
  • Is this a chronic condition? GOD, I hope not...
    So how long will I be incapacitated? I want to take 12 weeks off. But the forms are due 15 days before my leave commences. So will I be off for my own medical issues (which I may not have)? Or am I "providing care to a family member"?
  • If the request for leave is to provide care for a family member, please describe the type of care required: Change diapers, feed, clothe family member. Maybe take the family member on a walk of two. Might even read the family member some books about bunnies or dump trucks or talking trains. Probably will make silly goo-goo noises at family member. Games such as "peek-a-boo" and "where's Owen?" may occur.
  • Would the employee's presence provide psychological comfort to the patient or assist in the patient's recovery? I'd like to think that my presence will provide psychological comfort. Of course, the "patient" probably would not be able to pick the "employee" out of a lineup, so I'm not quite sure how you'd prove that.

We did indeed go to fabulous Cadillac, MI this weekend. I think Leo had fun. I spent Saturday morning reading by a gigantic stone fireplace and sipping cocoa. Then I asked around about shopping. I was told that Cadillac has "all the shops: Wal-Mart, KMart, AND Meijer". All the shops indeed. Cadillacians need not be pitied for their lack of a mall, though. Downtown Cadillac has about 1 gift shop for every 2 residents. Most were garbage. One was really great, though. I ended up buying paper to make both birth announcements and baptism invitations.

What else? There was shopping. And then Shannon and I had to go to Whole Foods (to get some eggs and marmalade for the plum pudding, don't ya know). While buying more preggo herbal tea, I said "excuse me" to some man who was blocking the aisle. He replied with some babble, all I caught was that he called me "double wide". Gee, thanks.

Today is our anniversary. Tonight we're having a nice dinner, then I think we'll go over to the in-laws and I'll meet my niece for the first time. Things are swell.

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