Dude! He TOTALLY got your rook!


There is a conference room across the aisle from me.  This room has no door, so it's like I'm seated in the middle of every conference.  I once asked if a door could be put on, but I was told that the (Fortune 150) company couldn't afford a door.  We can afford the Smoker's Paradise structure out back, but not a door. 
Every Tuesday this summer, there has been a chess tournament held in this conference room.  Chess sounds pretty quiet, right?  Not with these people.  It actually sounds more like a rowdy Dungeons and Dragons tournament.  I would never believe that such boisterous revelry could result from chess if I hadn't been forced to experience it.  And who the hell is in the peanut gallery?  Who spends their lunch hours OBSERVING CHESS?  They are probably the same people who find Celebrity Poker interesting.  And there are a lot of them.
All I can say is that all of IT better watch their asses for the next 7 months.  Because I am ready to go apeshit on each and every one of them. 
Today and today only, Baby can sing the Brittany Spears hit "I'm Not a Fetus, I'm Not Yet an Embryo".   And speaking of Ms. Spears, she is apparently having a Kabalah wedding.  Which just reminds me of how Madonna has taken her under her wing.  Why?  There are a thousand more deserving young women for Madonna to mentor than Brittany "I no longer wash my hair" Spears (including yours truly).
Schwest emailed me about a baby shower today (which is good, because she knows about how I need to plan things out months and months in advance).  Here's what she sent:

This is the menu I've come up with.

baby eggplant
baby artichokes
baby shrimp
suckling pig
baby back ribs
baby ruth bars

But if you have other ideas we can "workshop" it.

Hoo yeah.

Oh and the Planned Parenthood "I had an abortion" t-shirts are the sixth sign of the apocalypse.

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