who wants to hear me bitch about being pregnant some more?


Yesterday was a nightmare.

I had packed my lunch in the morning, as I always do. I am trying to eat a lot of raw fruits and vegetables, which take up a of of space in the lunch bag so my lunch was gigantic - it filled a plastic grocery sack. I felt kind of stupid with such a big lunch, so I had no inkling that I would, in fact, eat it all and end up starving by 2pm (which is what happened). I had no change for the vending machine, none of my coworkers had change, and no one would lone me a dollar. I couldn't very well announce to the office that I needed to go get some food because I am pregnant, so I decided to wait it out. At about 4pm, I assumed a position similar to a swimmer on a starting block in my cube. I decided that I'd wait until 4:15 to leave.

Leo says that I have the same food issues I had pre-pregnancy and that nothing has changed. I have to admit that he does kind of have a point there. If I became really hungry, I would get sweaty, be unable to make decisions and possibly pass out. Now I have all of these issues plus the pregnancy ones. If I get too hungry, I feel like I'm going to throw up and I get a blinding headache. So there I was, driving down the freeway sweaty and shaking with bile in my mouth and what felt like a knife in my head. But I didn't know where I was going, because I have a complete inability to make decisions when I am hungry. Was I going home? To a restaurant? Grocery store? Who knew?

I ended up at Taco Bell, bastion or prenatal nutrition that it is. I am a horrible, horrible person and completely not cut out to be a mother. I got a cheese quesadilla, which has no known nutritional value whatsoever. It is rather tasty though. Once I had that, the nausea subsided but the headache just kept getting worse. I never get headaches so I was rather ill equipped to deal with it. I laid down on the couch, turned out the lights and tried to will it away. Shockingly, that didn't work. So I busted out the "What to Expect when you are Expecting". It suggested Tylenol, which would probably be convenient for most people, but all I have ever bought is Ibuprofen so I whimpered a request for Tylenol to Leo who had magically come home at that point (magic because it was earlier than 9pm). Leo actually found some unexpired Tylenol from somewhere (both of us have no memory of buying any in the last ten years). So I took it. And I felt better, but now I am convinced that I have given our unborn some sort of Taco Bell/Tylenol birth defect.

I made quite sure to take an adequate supply of healthy food with me to work today. I am currently snacking on blueberries and I may move on to cantaloupe and watermelon soon. I really hate to say this, but I'm already getting a little tired of being pregnant and I still have 7 MONTHS to go. And I have a feeling that it will get far worse before it gets better.

I guess its not just hunger that impedes my ability to make decisions. I think its pregnancy as a whole. And I have a lot of really important decisions to make. Take ultrasound, for instance. The vast majority of pregnant people (ha, "people", like they aren't all women) get around 5 ultrasounds per pregnancy. Most don't think twice about their safety and effect on the fetus. Other people, who are also really into having alarming websites about pregnancy risks, point out that there has never been a long term study on the safety of ultrasounds. It could also be that the fetus can actually hear the scan. It could be that cavitations produced by the sonography waves could create free radicals in the amniotic fluid which will eat your child's face off like acid.

I had originally taken the position "better safe than sorry". I was going to skip all ultrasounds, unless they were really needed to diagnose something. But now that I am less than 48 hours from my first appointment, I'm thinking that I just might have one if its offered. What changed my mind? Well, it might have something to do with how I spent all day yesterday looking at everything that could go wrong. Is the baby in the correct spot? Is it the right size and shape? Does it - gasp - have a beating heart? These are all questions that I would really like answered.

No matter what, I will regret my decision. That goes without saying. It was the same way with the Tylenol last night. I regret taking it because now I'm freaked out that it did something horrible to Junior. I would have completely regretted not taking it last night as I'm sure I wouldn't have slept and I might have started bleeding through my eyes it hurt so bad. I am learning that there is no right answer, and nothing is 100% safe in pregnancy. After all, you just can't expecct that the medical profession has had time to test the safety of even a quarter of the things that pregnant women freak out about all the time (artifical sweetner, hair dye, cleaning products, etc.). It's not like pregnancy has been around for that long.

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