I woke up yesterday to no hot water. It's not a very pleasant surprise at 5:30 in the morning. I got out my biggest pot to boil water on the stove for a bath. This allowed me to bathe in an eighth of an inch of tepid water (I'll never take hot water for granted again). Neither Leo nor I could relight the pilot light on the water heater. After each of us tried for about fifteen minutes, I decided that the gas line had somehow been blocked and we were about to ignite ourselves and our house in some fiery gas ball explosion. We ended up calling a repairmen (who cast $100) only to have him successfully light the pilot within 30 seconds of walking through the door.

Unfortunately, this is not the first time we have called a repairman for something stupid. We also became convinced this summer that the garage door opener was broken. Turns out that there was a garbage can in front of one of the sensors. Who knew they had sensors? That was another $100.

The thing that really gets me is that I foresaw this problem and took prophylactic countermeasures (can you tell that I've spent the entire day writing IT Security policy?). I took a basic home repair class before we bought the house. It helped with somethings, but I missed the even more basic things before that. I need to take "Living in a House 101" or something.

It's official: Sarah and I will attempt spray tanning on Tuesday. Is this a bad idea? Probably. But I am determined not to look like an albino Jabba the Hutt on my wedding day (from faraway, I'm convinced that no one will be able to distinguish between me and my dress. I'll just look like a gigantic bridal gastropod). And, right now, the ivory dress is darker than my skin. I don't actually want to look tan per se, I just want to darken until I reach something resembling the flesh tone crayon.

My bridal shower is actually tomorrow! Where did all this time go? The wedding is only two weeks away!?!?!!?!

Leo is having his bachelor party tonight. I have to go scrounge something up to wear to his horrid "black tie optional" Christmas Party. I HATE his Christmas party. I don't know anyone, and I end up walking two steps behind Leo all night, like some sort of shy servent. I'm just not good at introductory chitchat. I got proof of this the other night when a woman whom I met three years ago (and each year subsequently) told me that it was nice to meet me.

Plus what the hell is black tie optional anyway? Sure, it's nice for guys as they have to choose between a tux or a dark suit (and everyone chooses the dark suit anyway). What am I supposed to wear? A sequined Bob Macki? Whatever it is, it will involve an inappropriate amount of clothing. Because it's only dressy if the woman is half naked and freezing.

Formal wear, I angrily shake my fist at you!