Animals

2003-03-26

The deer were back yesterday, frolicking away in our backyard like they were nothing special.  None have antlers; I'm not sure if that's because it's too early in the year or because they are all female.

The deer aren't the only recently returning fauna: the canadian geese are back.  I can't think of a single animal I would less like to surround my place of business.  Ok, I guess that isn't true.  If I had to crawl through a pit of scorpions it would be worse.  It would make getting inside the building good by comparison.  Anyway, there are at least 20 geese that patrol the outside of my building.  They especially like to hang out and defecate on the walkways.  There's goose poop all over the first floor.  Their heads are at the perfect height to bite humans on the ass.  And they are very, very mean.  And they really scare me.

There is a canadian geese exhibit in the Barcelona zoo.  They also have chipmunks and raccoons.  Europeans - go figure.

Anyway, an angry herd of  geese were hanging out by the door yesterday morning.  I waited in my car until someone else pulled up.  Then I used him as a human shield.  I should have just been casual about the whole affair, but I explained what my plan was.  Then he said "don't worry, I'll protect you".  And I felt really stupid.  Almost as stupid as the time I was chased by a squirrel.  Or the time I was viciously attacked by a monarch butterfly.  But that's another story.

I'm taking bets on how long it will be before the deer turn violent.

Animals - Talking Heads
(lyrical brilliance - CH)

I'm mad...And that's a fact
I found out...Animals don't help
Animal think...They're pretty smart
Shit on the ground...See in the dark.

They wander around like a crazy dog
Make a mistake in the parking lot
Always bumping into things
Always let you down down down down.

They're never there when you need them
They never come when you call them
They're never there when you need them
The never come when you call them down down down down.

I know the animals...Are laughing at us
They don't even know...What a joke is
I won't follow...Animal's advice
I don't care...If they're laughing at us.

They're never there when you need them
They never come when you call them
They're never there when you need them
The never come when you call them down down down down.

They say they don't need money
They're living on nuts and berries
They say animals don't worry
You know animals are hairy?
They think they know what's best
They're making a fool of us
They ought to be more careful
They're setting a bad example
They have untroubled lives
They think everything's nice
They like to laugh at people
They're setting a bad example
(Go ahead) Laugh at me.

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