City of Detroit:
  you have taken 2.65% of my income
and and an even greater part of my soul.

I thought the only redeeming factor about Detroit was the cost of living. True, Detroit is the only city in the world were gas is actually cheaper within the city limits than in the suburbs. And the rents are indeed low. But the city income tax completely negates any financial advantage to living there. Nepal also has a low cost of living, but I don't want to live there.

So what did I get for my 2.65%? I had a man-made lake at the end of my street that probably exists to this day because the city water department never got it together to fix it. I had a street that was partially repaved for 2 months so that one side of the street was an inch higher than the other. I had streetlights that were never replaced. Residents would mound garbage piles on their front lawns on the off-chance that it was a garbage amnesty day. Let's not forget the lack of noise ordinances that allow my fellow Detroiters to shoot guns and firecrackers off into the wee hours.

I realize that 2.65% might not sound like a lot. If you divide a year, 2.65% represents almost 10 days, the number the auto industry gives me for vacation each year. Those ten days mean more to me than any other; I consider them to be quite precious.

I will admit that there was a point in my life when the decay of Detroit was appealing. I think that most of us who grew up in the area experience something like it. It was the same point in my life when I thought that wearing cut-offs, tights, and combat boots was fashionable. There comes a time in every person's life when you wake up and realize that tossing your hard earned income into the bottomless pit of despair that is Detroit is completely pointless. It is not at all romantic to pay dearly to live in a veritable shit hole.

The point is, the suburbs have no city income tax. And they are a hell of a lot nicer.

Someday, when I am named Queen of Michigan, I will force all of those explosives-addicted Detroiters to fire their guns into the ground at eight mile, in an effort to sever the city from the rest of the state. Then it can flow down river to Canada, where it truly belongs.