Sorry, I was shopping for a calendar and I was overcome with hatred...

2002-11-18

Mary Engelbreit has not one, two or three but SEVEN 2003 calendars available on Amazon. Obviously, this is a sign that the end is nigh. Is she really that popular? If so, why? And, more to the point, who is more evil: Mary Engelbreit or Thomas Kinkade?

Thomas Kinkade considers himself a serious artist, which I think is pretty evil. True, he is technically competent, but his subject matter is so tooth-achingly sweet that it more than out weighs any technical claim to call himself a painter. Plus, I both admire (from a business point of view) and abhor (from a fine arts point of view) his self proclaimed "Painter of Light" title. I believe that he is the first artist to license stores, plates, pillow, wall paper, and even credit cards. It is admirable because his work looks just like something you could pick up at the holiday inn starving artists sale. Obviously, he completely missed the calendar boat, as Amazon has only one Kincade calendar.

Mary Engelbreit probably considers herself an artist too. She does tend to stay more to the crafts end of the arts & crafts spectrum, which I admire. It is almost as if she is attempting less by drawing in markers instead of painting. While a Thomas Kincade print (although I bet they aren't prints, they're probably "limited edition lithographs" or something) would sit and look smarmy on a wall, an Engelbreit doodad signifies membership into a peri-menipausal cult of cheeky optimism. Plus, you are much more likely to see a Kinkade on a wall (be it lithograph, plate, or glued together puzzle) while Engelbreit can often be seen on an old lady's sweatshirt at Kmart.

And now that I'm on a roll, let me tell you what I think about Anne Geddes and William Wegman. The only difference between the two is the sexual orientation of the dentist's office administrator that picked the d�cor (straight women pick Anne, Bill is very gay man).

Possibly the only way to settle this debate is wrestling. I'd pit Mary and Tom against Anne and William, tag team battle royale.

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