cottonwood allergy induced life anxiety

2002-06-08

There�s something wrong with the age of 22 � 30 in modern times. It�s a time spent mostly dating and working towards a career (I realize that some would argue that you should have a career at this point). My 20s thus far have been spent dating, taking birth control pills and studying. My 30s should be spent doing none of those things. Instead the modern plan for the 30s is to initiate and maintain a pair bond, reproduce, and use that education.

I�m having a little trouble going from one stage to the next. I�ve never been one to date a lot of people. In fact, I tend to hold on to relationships well past their expiration date. However, the 20s puts one in the frame of mind that could be described as husband shopping. Subconsciously, you may be comparing the guy you have to the next guy to see who is better. I�ve often said that this must have been easier 150 years ago while people lived in small farming communities. There may have been 5 suitable men, and even I can choose from a selection of five. Now, we literally have the entire world to choose from. If the earth�s population is 6 billion, subtract half because their women (although we�ve opened up that avenue too, but I digress) then subtract another half for being grossly too young or too old. I am still left with approximately 1.5 billion men to choose from.

After ten years of dating, I don�t know if I can instantly turn off the subconscious comparisons. Should I ever find the �right man� (that�s a whole fear in itself), won�t I always wonder if there�s one better? Worse, I am likely to find one better. Can I be mature enough to properly handle this buyer�s regret? Will I get to a point when I am sure that it is right? Is it natural to have doubts or is it assign that something is wrong.

The same problem holds true for fertility. Every woman in their 20s knows that fertility is something that must be beaten into submission with a stick. Articles in the news lately have pointed out how untrue this is. Many woman hit their 30s and find out that it is too late to have children.

I have also spent my 20s going to school. It took me almost ten years to get a bachelor�s degree because I just couldn�t decide on that perfect job. I went from political science, to sociology, to international relations, interior design, architecture and finally settled on business (the non-major�s major). Now I am in graduate school and I won�t graduate until 291/2. When all is said and done, I can only be assured of one thing: I choose the wrong career. I know this now, but I am mature enough (or apathetic enough) to not switch.

Will the same maturity/apathy set in with relationships? Should it?

Will I ever be able to leave the buffet line of life to sit down and eat?

These incoherent ramblings on life have been brought to you by a potent cocktail of Benedryl and an acute Nytol hangover. My apologies.

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